Basic Guide for Scientists
I. Science Classification
- If it's green or it wiggles, it's part of Biology.
- If it stinks, it's Chemistry.
- If it doesn't work, it belongs to Physics.
II. Rules for Laboratory Workers
- When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
- First draw your curves, then plot the data.
- Experience is directly proportional to the equipment ruined.
- Experiments must be reproducible. They should all fail the same way.
- A record of data is essential. It indicates you have been working.
- In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
- Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
- Teamwork is essential in the lab. It allows you to blame someone else.
- Always leave room to add an explanation when it doesn't work.
III. Finagle's Laws, Creed, and Motto
- First Law - If anything can go wrong with an experiment, it will.
- Second Law - No matter what result is anticipated, there is always someone willing to fake it.
- Third Law - No matter what occurs, there is always someone who believes it happened according to his pet theory.
- Fourth Law - No matter what the result, there is always someone eager to misinterpret it.
- Creed - Science is truth. Don't be misled by facts.
- Motto - Smile; tomorrow it will be worse.